Floats in dreamily.......................
Hello bloggers, it's raining outside but I am feeling particularly good today.
I think I have found myself a surrogate Dad, and if the friendship works out it's going to be great to have the benefit of caring male without wondering if there's an agenda to get in my knickers.
JD is coming home today, he's in the middle of his GCSE's and I'm going to pamper him whilst he's on half term. I've also organised for the boys and I to attend family trampolining sessions, and horseriding during half term, so as long as my dodgy back holds out it's gonna be really interesting. I think I will try and financially stretch to a theme park too, as I am a sucker for fair rides.
The Champions League pain has subsided, although I still can't talk about it to people who may be less than sympathetic (MP).
I sold my East 17 tickets............................LOL after all that fuss - and only for the face value, I've hurt my back and I am quite short, so front standing meant I wouldn't see much I reckon. I sold them on ebay and 2 of my kids who had point blank refused to go were then moaning at me saying they would have come really!!! What's all that about? I also got a refund on the TT tickets as they moved the performance to MK Bowl and I'd rather chew tinfoil than watch them there.
I'm not even going to mention BB apart from the fact that Nikki must be kept in for my own personal amusement. I have had a bet on Pete to win ("wankers"), did that within the first couple of days - I always say I will bet every year and I never do! He's the best housemate ever, and I am not at all swayed by the size of his penis I promise.
Guess what - I brought my gooner luck to Watford - myself and 3 of the children were born there, and I decided that I couldn't afford the season ticket prices for the new Emirates stadium, so I was going to get a season ticket for my son and I to go to Vicarage Rd. They were bouncing on the bottom at the time - now they're going up up to the Premiership, which sadly means I cannot go to watch them as they are in direct competition with my first team.
The same things happened with West Ham. I just want to see regular live football without having to sell a body part really.
Imagine
How I felt when ManYoo cheated us out of our 50th game on our unbeaten run. Now magnify that until it gives you a headache & then you have some ideaof how I'm feeling. A bit like when Gareth Southhate missed that penalty. I feel worse today than last night when we lost. It just didn't sink in at the time. There was so much to let go of and it was too painful, so my anger at the ref distracted me & the disbelief temporarily protected me from the pain of the harsh reality. Now, as I sit here emailing this entry in from a no 73 bus waiting to get to The Angel, the headlines stare back at me, & I can feel the dream being snatched from my heart like a like a love that's been lost. Only a football fan would know this feeling. It's going to be a long day...................-----------------------------7d339026750dc--
Ooooh to, oooh to be, oooh to be a................gooner!
Had to edit the other new message on my stuff and nonsense section just to move it from one blog section to another, as it was appearing public and was for friends eyes only due to the personal stuff up about my family.
So..............well....erm yeah, tonight - what can I say? I am gutted, I could talk about offside goal and biased reffing, but I won't. I'll just say that with 10 men and such a great effort I am proud of my boys.
Gutted - but proud.
I'm home this early as my son now has school tomorrow seeing as there's no victory parade to cancel it out.
(
So now I must rest my weary head, but first I have to clear all the thrown clothes boots and make up off of my double bed.
Oh and by the way - I could have pulled tonight and not been sleeping in it alone, but the mood *sigh* well you know, it's not every day you lose a CL final, and I can have sex any time, I'd rather wallow in my own misery.
Thanks everyone for your well-wishes. I'll come back and reply properly to the previous comments soon.
Chickster
x
PS - I'm also keeping this as a friends entry, coz if I went public and anyone posted gloating comments or a negative Arsenal critique of the match I might just smash their cyber face in!
PPS - Notice how I haven't mentioned that Eboue dived for the free kick, ah well.............................
ETA (Edited To Add) I'm making this public as I am less sensitive now as we're a few days on and also the stupid ref has agreed he made a mistake not to give Jens a yellow and allow the goal to stand. Too right mate you ruined what could have been a good match and I reckon we'd have been in with a much better chance. Also to commiserate with poor old Bobby P who will have had a very sad end to the final game in his career at Highbury.
I've been holding back on you
Mustn't talk about it else it might jinx it.
But oooooohhhhh! I am bursting with the football! I am absolutely wracked with nerves already. The good thing is that now I am living back in Islington if we lose EVERYONE will be pissed off, whereas when I lived in Bedford there were loads of people delighting in when we lost. This meant that when I went out to watch the game I wanted to punch rival club supporters faces in coz they were cheering against us. It was alright when we were on our unbeaten run, but then it all went horribly wrong, and it ended up with myself and JD watching all the footy indoors!
My local boozer is ticketing the event but also not letting kids in, which is totally shyte considering all the people who go in *all* the time to watch the league games take their kids, so it's more than a bit pants to exclude the regulars from important matches just so that the bar can make as much money as possible. I'm not sure where I am watching IT at the moment, I have to do some research this afternoon.
I really can't see Thierry leaving us, especially if we win - it'll be Stevie Gerrard all over again! Maybe I am blind, but I think with Arsene pledging to spend the rest of his career with Arsenal, the new stadium, and the promise of our young tem, Thierry would be foolish to go to Barca and besides, I would cry an awful lot if he left! He's just been such a big part of the team since I first moved to Highbury and got back into my footy. What a beautiful way to end the final season at Highbury and open the new Stadium, knocking Sp**s off the 4th spot and starting the new season as European Champions - but hang on - I don't wanna jinx it!
How's the personal life you may well be asking yourself? Well bloody frightful at the moment, my younger daughter Yaz (14) went to live with her Dad about 6 weeks ago and he's been a right w***er (nothing new there then)! The first minor thing she did out of line (after 4 weeks) he sent her back and refused to have her live with him - tosser! She's not even beaten him and his girlfriend up and smashed any of their house up yet LOL! Not really funny I know but that is what I've had to deal with....................
Anyway I felt he had to give it more time and see it through for her sake and so I took my dear girly back to Essex on Friday as he'd refused to come and get her from here, and indeed was trying to vebally intimidate me into keeping her here and crossing all the boundaries he had agreed to set for her. This from the man who has undermined my parenting, and delighted in persistently berating me for 3 years for being a crap Mum and a failure and unable to cope with her misdemeanors - this made me realise how bloody strong I am and what a brilliant Mum I have been, sadly it also has confirmed to myself and his children just how crap he is, I worry after the way he has carried on she'll feel unwanted, which is why I insisted he see it through.
Both my sons have been a bit all over the gaff because of the way he's handled it and it's been a really hard time just getting used to her not being here, so for their Dad then to then move the goalposts again threw us all - still once a knobhead always a knobhead. Elephantiasis head and Ron Jeremy knob proportions
So now her Dad isn't speaking to me and is playing mind games with my darling little boy KC (well he's nearly 12 but he's my baby so............). It's all very fraught and there's been some contact with my eldest daughter Sophie when Yaz went AWOL, but my eldest daughter's got involved in the situation with my very strange Mother who hasn't sponken to me for the past couple of years, so it's very tangled and unhealthy with the both of them - upsetting nonetheless, as I love my daughter like she's still a part of my body - but I'm over it for now because letting it get to me would be of no use. Time is the key I hope, and I've ordered some books on buddhism and mindfulness which I shall use as a tool for distractuion and self soothing. Can't you tell I am back in Islington, so one of those trendy London types 
I am on a diet - for a change ho ho ho! WW tonight as I am feeling very un-svelt for summer. I really hope the gunners win so I can get a size 8 'Final Salute' top with 'Euro Champs 06' on the back and fit my body into it forever more. See, ever the optimist!
Oh also my dog got stolen but I got her back for a large wad of cash - b@$#'^%$! I made big posters and put them out all over Islington to make it harder for anyone to sell her on. I know some of you think she's a rat on a rope, but she don't half look cute, and she is so cuddly, my furry surrogate baby.
Must dash I have some colleges to phone as I am hoping to be able to go back to work and study now Yaz isn't creating chaos and kicking my head in on a monthly basis ;o)
Oh and am I the only one watching 'Boys Will Be Girls' on E4? It's faberoonie!
Hmmmmmmm
How funny that the tables have turned.
I remember the days when I used to feel my heart had been frozen by the coldness of romance.
Now it's too damn hot!
Me likey.
Hello
I am still alive, still sexy and still hanging in there.
Lot's (oh lots) has happened, some of which I'll tell you about, and some of which I won't.
What you do need to know though is that I am happy, really happy.
It's a long story.......................................
It's a new beginning.
It's my Birthday!
I have kept this very quiet as it's a 'BIG' birthday, and I knew it would be a quiet affair, and bring up woes and worries of getting old (I know I look Tony the Tiger "Ggggrrrreeeeaaaat! but hey!).
I haven't had a card, or phone call from Sophie, which is disappointing seeing as it's a big one, and she seems to have become harder and more emotionally cut off since she's got older, it's really very sad. Love from her would have made my day perfect.
But the fantastic things that I have got are wonderful! My friend Kay came round a couple of days ago whilst I was out and ransacked my photos with Yaz & KC, they've made a collage in a frame of moments from my life and important special loved ones, this promptly made me break down and cry. I was overwhelmed and it's the nicest present I've had EVER! It has ironically got photographs of the children when we were seperated and I was fighting for them through the courts, and this in itself has made me appreciate that having them here and coming through that dark time to be together as a family again, is the most precious gifrt I will ever have. It's put in perspective the fact that Sophie's not sent a card. I just pray things will change.
My Mum hasn't contacted me, and that's no surprise, I don't expect any different from her as she's bitter and malicious, hopefully one day her heart will soften, but I have accepted things to a certain degree as she's been so abusive for so long, it's a fine line between sadness and relief.
KC is at school today, and I promised him I wouldn't open his presents, whilst he was gone, so I have left the one from him, and another one from Kay for later. Yaz is off school as it's a teacher training day, I am so glad to have her with me, I feel it's made my birthday more special. Even JD remembered my birthday and has sent me a funny card with a badge and a credit card shaped card with a poem about being the perfect mum on it - queue lump in throat.
It reads:
My Perfect Mum
Your heart is big. Your love is pure
You want the best for me and care about everything I'm going through
You love me without condition.
If I could choose anyone at all for my mum, I'd choose you.
You're my perfect mother, and I love you and appreciate you more than I could ever express.
I am now wearing a 'life begins at 40' badge! LOL LOL
I got a card from Matty Patty, but he's let me down for plans at the weekend, so I was upset by that last night. I am determined to let nothing spoil my day tho, and I am going to the cinema later to see a movie with Yaz. Then KC, Yaz & I are going for a meal in a really funky bistro later in Upper Street I LOVE LONDON!!!!!!!!! JD is coming home tomorrow to look at a 6th form, and staying over for the weekend. It'll be just him and I, as Yaz & KC are going to their Dads, JD wants to stay with me. I feel like I am getting quality time with all of them.
I chatted to a friend on messenger last night, and they are a blogger I hooked up with in my early 20six days. It's such a shame things are changing here, there are a select section of people I really value - I think you all know who you are. With this big birthday and 20 six changing it's all a bit much as I don't want to lose contact with people, I have no older relatives, and in many respects the adult mates I have had advise me and care about me over the past few years, have become a surrogate family.
Please email if you want to stay in touch with this wrinkly old fart - he he he.
I will try and get some camera pics later and post up from our time out celebrating.
HUGS Y'ALL!
